Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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