I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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