Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
