I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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