I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
