I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
