I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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