guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
