So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
