I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
