He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish my penis had a tongue
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
