she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need a burrito and a hug.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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