mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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