no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize