My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
