Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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