when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
