my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
