i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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