okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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