At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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