And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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