I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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