i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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