he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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