I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
