Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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