i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
