i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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