I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
