i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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