He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
3 2 1 whiskey
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
