Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize