better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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