now i know why i became what i already was.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
