Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
