if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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