I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
