Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
