Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
