I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
