I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize