Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
