I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize