Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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