if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he thought i was a dude.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
