he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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