I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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