I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
