it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
