Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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