fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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