I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
