Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
