mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
