you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize