You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
