Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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