your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
