She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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