It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
