I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
